Although Mike Matheny has led the Cardinals since 2012, he has somehow kept his darkest secret out of the spotlight: his full name. Yes, Mike Matheny’s full name is Michael Scott Matheny.

Does that ring any bells? If it isn’t, I am appalled by your lack of cultural woke-ness. He has the same name as Michael Scott, bossman at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company.

However, we should not be very surprised by this revelation. The two head-honchos have a lot more in common than we think. They both have jet black hair, strong jawlines, and similar decision-making abilities. Let’s take a deeper look.

Michael Scott burned his foot in a George Foreman grill, Michael Scott Matheny refuses to use his closer in a tie game on the road.

In his quest to make breakfast in bed everyday, Michael Scott cooked bacon in his bedroom. As can be expected, this decision backfired when he accidentally got his foot stuck in it.

Michael Scott Matheny consistently refuses to use his closer in tie games on the road. When asked why, he produced this gem of a quote:

Even Buck Showalter makes that mistake occasionally *cough* Zach Britton *cough*, but this is not a one time occurrence.

Michael Scott thinks Saint Patrick’s day is the closest thing Irish people have to Christmas. Michael Scott Matheny double switched so that the pitcher’s spot would actually come up sooner.

Scott, at a Saint Patty’s day party, came up with this ridiculous quote. He also said, at a wedding, that the definition of a wedding is “the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”

Michael Scott Matheny double switched so that his relief pitcher would come up in the order sooner

As if that was not bad enough, he followed it up by allowing his closer to bat with the bases loaded, 2 outs, and a 1 run lead. Said closer proceeded to give up 3 runs while only recording one out.

Michael Scott kidnapped one of his employees and brought her to rehab. Mike Matheny does not know how to manage a bullpen

Michael Scott, in attempt to be helpful, kidnapped Meredith and brought her to rehab against her will.

Michael Scott Matheny, on the other hand, had his bullpen management described by fans as “abysmal” and that “he doesn’t understand how bullpens work”. Whether it be his questionable pitching changes, his strange dedication to certain relievers, or his ill-timed double-switches, Michael Scott Matheny’s decision making has even garnered its own hashtag: #mathenaging.

At least he got signed to an extension through 2020.


Although the Cardinals have made the playoffs every year except one under Matheny, fans rightfully expect more.

2017 is a year of opportunity for the Cardinals, and hopefully Michael Scott Matheny will strike gold with his management skills, taking home the Dundie for best skipper. Who knows, with a revamped roster, a talented core, and a stacked bullpen, it will be hard to go wrong.