With 25 guys on the active roster, who is most likely to spread his wings and fly?
Let us start with the qualifications:
In order to have the best chances of going airborne, you are going to need to have a good ratio of length to weight. Although Big City has slimmed down to a petite Big Suburb, this clause kicks him out of the running. Yadi, Carson Kelly, you’re out of the running too. Kolton Wong, at 5’9”, 185 doesn’t have what it takes either. Despite his small stature, he’s low-key jacked. Along the same lines, Jedd Gyorko, Matt Carpenter, Aledmys Diaz, and Jhonny Peralta are out of the running too. To be a cardinal, you can’t have such an athletic build. Whichever player is going to take home this crown needs to have the appropriate lankiness.
Who survives the first round of cuts?
I’ve narrowed down the roster to five prime candidates. Based of the height-to-weight ratio qualification, we’re left with: Dexter Fowler, Matt Bowman, Luke Weaver, Mike Leake, and Alex Reyes. With the exception of Dex, we’re left with just pitchers. No, pitchers are not inherently unathletic, bless you Bartolo Colon. It just so happens that it is just that typical pitchers build is productive for leverage.
However, there can only be one winner. To get this list even more specific, we need to get more specific about what makes someone Cardinal-like. To find another qualification, we have to think long and hard about what truly defines a cardinal.. And that is great hair:
Look at those majestic faux-hawks and mohawks. If only Carlos passed the first test.
Who hurdles the hair obstacle?
Sorry Dex and Alex, your flow doesn’t cut it. Let’s take a look at our finalists:
When analyzing flow, the single biggest determinant in quality is the intention. Did this player make a concerted effort to grow this lettuce? And for Matt Bowman, he does not demonstrate true intention. Sorry Matt, it looks like you just missed your haircut. With Luke and Mike, there is a clear desire for high quality hair.
So, we’re finally down to two. Mike Leake vs. Luke Weaver. This race, unfortunately, is going to come down to a technicality.
Cleared for takeoff, Luke
Congratulations Luke Weaver, the winner of the 2017 Cardsblog Lowercase “c” Cardinal Award. Since this award considers only Cardinals, we cannot afford to give the award to Mike Leake for his high quality hair performance on the Reds. And if Winter Warm up is any sign, Luke better watch out.
— KMOXSports (@KMOXSports) January 16, 2017
Until next year, fly away Luke Weaver.
Cover Photo Credit: National Geographic